But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
