even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
