some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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