He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
