Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
