In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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