the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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