Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
