I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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