kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
