haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
