you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I enjoy the company of your penis
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
