Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
