Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
