Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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