Just fell off a train. Bad.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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