Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
