the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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