Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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