i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
