I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
