Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
