Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
