you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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