you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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