Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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