I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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