its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
