Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
