But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Drunk is a universal language darling
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