Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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