thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
