i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
