I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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