My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
