i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
