I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Are we in a gay sports bar?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
