I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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