I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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