He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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