I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
