Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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