she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
