the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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