you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
