You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
