You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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