Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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