My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
