Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
