What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
