Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
